there is beauty in waiting

As I look back over the past 6 years since I graduated high school, I have come to realize nothing had come out the way i wanted it to. I had my life planned graduate, go to college, find a husband, and be done with school all by the age of 25 25 is slowly approaching..Ekk that's scary... Now this is not going to be a poor me post because i have not accomplished any of what I thought I should be doing. Yet the past few nights while everyone else has gone to sleep the Lord has kept me up to just sit...not even read the Word...to just sit and be silent in his presence..As much as my heart longs to be finished with school and to have love....I am so glad my life has not turned out the way I thought it should. I am sitting in the same place i was 6 years ago heading in to hopefully my last year and half of college, in Lubbock where i wanted out of so bad. .... SO I am learning there is so much beauty in Waiting..as much as we hate the word when our parents tell us to wait, or friends tell us to wait ...or when GOD tells us to wait...there is so much beauty in it...you see i have done so much these past six years in my waiting that some people may never do..

• I have found out that God is so much more than the Box we put Him in. We will never be satisfied, until we satisfy God, we were made FOR GOD and FOR HIS PURPOSES.
• The Bible is a fascinating book..you should read it.. because i was able to go on trips we were encouraged to read the Bible in its entirety..then seeing the physical places in Israel
• Prayer has changed my life. If i would have gotten everything i asked for the first time i asked...i don't think i would of ever sought out in prayer the way i have. You see prayer is infectious when you pray, you cant stop. When you know God answers prayers big and small you can spend 12 hours in prayer and it will feel like prayer. Then last year my life radically changed going to One thing in Kansas City.
• Love-All of life comes down to love. Its like a fire. The Holy Spirit Has come to Pour his spirit on us. He doesn't want a mindless multitude.Love the Lord with all your heart with all your soul and all your mind and strength.. You will never Love God until you first Let God love you.. This journey of waiting though has taught me so much about how God created us. He created us for love and there is nothing wrong with that, it is what we do with those passions. The reality of Hollywood, pornography, adultery, and self injury and any other thing that takes the place of the wrong kind of love is what we put in the place of Love. You see we were made to love..never apologize for that... every time you choose righteousness..that's Love, obedience...God is pursuing us...
• Well and speaking of love anyone who knows me knows I get so tired of waiting for that Man God has for me, but while waiting...God has given me amazing opportunities to Let God Love me and show me what kind of wife i need to be, how to pray for my husband. In the moments of those "dates" He has been so faithful to let me know its not time, even though its hard to let go, I know i am not settling one bit. Also the Lord has planted me in my ministry now , where i thought i would have to wait to serve til i got married.
• As i am about to start another semester of school at LCU, this season of waiting has changed my heart about my destiny....i never thought i would be in the position of leadership, or on a prayer team, or back in Lubbock; The beauty is His thoughts are not our thoughts His ways are not our ways....but How do i know i am right where God wants me to be...I laugh..someone shared at prayer night ...you know your dreams and plans are from God when you laugh at them..So I am still praying and still waiting!

"Healing begins when we hold tightly to the truth of God and allow the truth of God to hold tightly to us. God gives each of us the freedom to accept or reject His way. When we lean into His truth, we are less likely to conform to the world. His truth, His Word can be the light for each step we take. It illuminates the path that leads to His heart. God's Word transforms. "
Romans 12 :2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
In Christians and non-Christians alike feelings of inadequacy creep into the hearts of people, since the beginning of time. We strive and strive to measure up to the standard of the world, focusing on ourselves and what the world says we have to be. This was never God's plan for our lives. We were designed to focus on Him to worship Him. there has to be something in our lives, some turning point that gets our gaze off ourselves and on to the Lord. Trust me our perspectives will change..Isaiah 42:8 says "I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols." He desires for us to be His Obsession.

Our Words

So whether I like to admit or not, I am learning that If i want to be the woman God called me to be there are areas of my life that our going to be hard to fix. One of them is my words, I am a sarcastic person and like most of the world when I am tired and comfortable with the people I love most or frustrated I can say some hurtful things. Now in return those people do not always respond the nicest to me. What i realized tonight is it should not take the actions of others to change me. If i waited for everyone else to change, I would never change. My body is mine, my walk with God is mine. SO why I am I so stubborn. I am done being a pretender in this walk. I am done sitting on the side line. I am a treasure I am deeply loved. I am starting to truely to live like it to like that in other areas. tonight I guess was a night of learning about my words and my heart.
The spiritual two-by-four: how do i know God wants me to learn this, minus the fact that in classes and everywhere around me, inlcuding myself it seems like when we are tired and stresses(for us school people about finals) we just speak without thinking. I open my bible and Here is what I read:
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, the tongue of the wise bring healing" Proverb 12:18-- I have sidenoted see Matthew 12:34 which says "Out of the Overflow of the heart the mouth speaks "
If that isnt enough for me to get it..I am listening to International House of Prayer: They are singing May the Words of my Mouth and the Meditation of my Heart be pleasing in your sight , O Lord. , My Rock My Redeemer. "Psalm 19:14
So I am thinking I am going to be vunerable on this thing here: Here is my hearts cry, I do not want to be the same, I want to be a woman of the Lord, that is a contender not a pretender. I want to be one that makes things happen, that knows my King!
Dear Jesus:
I ask for forgiveness for the people that I have pierced by my reckless words that have not been from you. I ask from this day forward I can breathe in your Spirit before i do things , and breathe out the things that are not of you. I ask that I become of woman that has healing in her words. I ask that I become a woman that has Truth in her words even when the world doesnt want to hear it. I thank you for your forgiveness. Give me Strength . "Please Oh God set a guard on my mouth and keep a watch over the door of my lips." Thank you for who you are and that you love me where I am at, but you love me enough to not leave me there.! Amen!

Prayers for a Sister

So tonite i just got really burdened for my sister. and just the fact that she had a frustrating day and had a bad day. it frustrates me that the enemy knows our weak spots and knows were to attack. and we all had such an amazing week and the Lord taught us about surrendering things to him. You see I am frustrated that people in our family just keep getting sick. I am frustrated that the enemy attacks them emotionally as well. I began just to just pray. I could not be there to give love and hug so i did the best thing pray. I was listening to some Misty Edwards and she was singing this song, I am not sure who the real artist is,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnMi2YZLeDM CLICK HERE FOR THE SONG
Worth It All
I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this

I truly believe this. it is going to be so worth this...He bottles up our tears Psalms 56:8...Isaiah 41:10 Says "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand ."

To my Sister: You are Amazing and Be encouraged, you have so much strength and I have seen and watched you grow over the past year. It amazes me. Your love and support means the world to me, you will never know. You are an amazing mother and Joshua is truly blessed to have you as his mommy, never doubt that. Please never doubt your gifts and Who you are in Christ that you can stand against the enemy. (Luke 10:19 19 I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. ) I love you! I hope this encourages you!

Fasting- from my journal

So My heart has been wondering what fasting truly is and how it serves the Lord . So I decided to do some research on it to see what the Bible says. I definitely think it is a decision that you should know what you are getting into before you do it. A definition of it I found was to abstain from satisfying hunger or thirst for a period of time.root word which is used for "fasting." The Greek word for fasting is nesteia -- a compound of NE (a negative prefix) and esthio which means "to eat." So the basic root meaning of the word simply means "not to eat." Lev 16:29 This shall be a permanent statute for you: in the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, you shall humble your souls and not do any work, whether the native, or the alien who sojourns among you. Fasting is more than just "afflicting one's body". It is "afflicting one's soul." In other words, fasting in the Hebrew mind is something my soul participates in. Fasting is denying my self. It is denying not only my own body, but also my own wants. It is a way of saying that food and my desires are secondary to something else. Fasting is "afflicting one's soul" -- an act of self-denial. But it is not only an act of self-denial and here is where the monks and hermits went wrong.There were three types of fasting in the bible, normal (one day) , partial(fast from certain things), and radical( fast from all things sometimes even water) The Bible says when you fast not if you fast, mentioned later in this post Some Biblical accounts of fasting Moses fasted for forty days and forty nights while he was on the mountain with God. (Exodus 34:28) King David fasted when the son of his adulterous union with Bathsheba's was struck sick by God, in punishment for the adultery and for David's murder of Bathsheba's husband, Uriah the Hittite. Nevertheless, the son died, upon which David broke his fast (2 Samuel 12:15-25). King Jehoshaphat proclaimed a fast throughout Judah for victory over the Moabites and Ammonites who were attacking them (2 Chronicles 20:3). The prophet Isaiah chastised the Israelites in Isaiah 58 for the unrighteous methods and motives of their fasting. He clarified some of the best reasons for fasting and listed both physical and spiritual benefits that would result. The prophet Joel called for a fast to avert the judgement of God. The people of Nineveh in response to Jonah's prophecy, fasted to avert the judgement of God (Jonah 3:7). The Jews of Persia, following Mordechai's example, fasted due to the genocidal decree of Haman. Queen Esther declared a three-day fast for all the Jews prior to risking her life in visiting King Ahasuerus uninvited (Esther 4). The Pharisees in Jesus' time fasted regularly, and asked Jesus why his disciples did not. Jesus answered them using a parable (Luke 5:33-39, Matthew 9:14-15, Mark 2:18-20, see also Mark 2). Jesus also warned against fasting to gain favor from men. He warned his followers that they should fast in private, not letting others know they were fasting (Matthew 6:16–18). Jesus fasted for forty days and forty nights while in the desert, prior to the three temptations (Matthew 4:2, Luke 4:2). Jesus said : But this kind (of demon) does not go out except by prayer and fasting. (Matthew 17:21) And he (Jesus) said unto them (disciples), This kind (of demon) can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting. (Mark 9:29) The prophetess Anna, who proclaimed the birth of Jesus in the Temple, fasted regularly (Luke 2:37). OK so that's pretty common sense that fasting is in the Bible, especially if you have been around church a while but why is it so important?Fasting was an expected discipline in both the Old and New Testament eras. For example, Moses fasted at least two recorded forty-day periods. Jesus fasted 40 days and reminded His followers to fast, "when you fast," not if you fast. Fasting and prayer can restore the loss of the "first love" for your Lord and result in a more intimate relationship with Christ. Fasting is a biblical way to truly humble yourself in the sight of God (Psalm 35:13; Ezra 8:21). King David said, "I humble myself through fasting." Fasting enables the Holy Spirit to reveal your true spiritual condition, resulting in brokenness, repentance, and a transformed life. The Holy Spirit will quicken the Word of God in your heart and His truth will become more meaningful to you! Fasting can transform your prayer life into a richer and more personal experience. Fasting can result in a dynamic personal revival in your own life-and make you a channel of revival to others. Fasting and prayer are the only disciplines that fulfill the requirements of II Chronicles 7:14: "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." If you fast, you will find yourself being humbled as I did. You will discover more time to pray and seek God's face. And as He leads you to recognize and repent of unconfessed sin, you will experience special blessings from God. This is above from Campus Crusades So fasting is a heart condition not the number of days you do it.Fasting is not just denying yourself food. It is exchanging the needs of the physical body for those of the spiritual. Your motive in fasting must be to glorify God, not to have an emotional experience, and not to attain personal happiness. When your motives are right, God will honor your seeking heart and bless your time with Him in a very special way. I wonder if that is why a majority of people are missing out on becoming more in love with Christ, is the lack of doing something that is more of a command than a request keeping us from having all that Christ wants to give us, and I am talking to myself too on this one.!.

The Third Stone Kills Fear

David and his men must of been tired of getting and killing and fighting the giants, They just kept coming. Kind of like reoccurring sickness, sin, fears, anxieties.
"And it came to pass after this, that there was again a battle with the Philistines at Gob: then Sibbechai the Hushathite slew Saph, which was of the sons of the giant." 2 Samuel 21:18 Saph means to "snatch away or to wait at the threshold" Its the habitual sins that keep sneaking up on us it seems that sin or attacks keep coming when we least expect it and when we are most vulnerable.
"If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door.Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." Gen. 4:7
The same is for us, these habitual things that are crouching in and out of our lives, we must master it, or they will master us. Fear may rise when you decide to take on these giants but the beauty is we can be like the heroes of these stories overcoming the giants, by overcoming are fears.
The man who killed the giant is Sibbecai means to wrap around the trees , surround and enclose a protected pasture. Do we rely on the Lord for his help when placed with fears. Do we seek intimacy? We can snuggle up against God our Abba Father and Let him Shield us . and let the Lord say to you Delight in my presence, where you where always meant to be.

The Second Stone

2 Samuel 21:15-17 (English Standard Version)
War with the Philistines 15There was war again between the Philistines and Israel, and David went down together with his servants, and they fought against the Philistines. And David grew weary. 16And Ishbi-benob, one of the descendants of the giants, whose spear weighed three hundred shekels of bronze, and who was armed with a new sword, thought to kill David. 17But Abishai the son of Zeruiah came to his aid and attacked the Philistine and killed him. Then David’s men swore to him, "You shall no longer go out with us to battle, lest you quench the lamp of Israel."
This enconter with Ishbi-benob occured years after Davids battle. David was now king, raised a family, and waged many wars. The enemy had their giants, and used them to attack when the other was feeling weak and vunerable.
The name Ishi-benob comes from the word to retreat. Retreat is what the giant wanted the Israelites to do.
That is also us to, we retreat when we have been attacked. We think no one understand what we have gone through when in reality, we have someone that has gone through it all, to walk with us through things. If you think of it Jesus was tempted in every way possible, He defeated the cross and Hell for us, and took on all our sins, He pretty much expierenced every kind of emotion that we could prob think of. Yet we think that we have to walk through things alone. The stone that will slay this giant of discouragement is having divine perspective in our situations.

we dont have to retreat when we do this we have to resists the devil and he must flee(James 4:7) whatever the giant might be- worry, fear, anxiety,persistant sins, etc- take the focus off the giant and put it on the power of God inside you through his Holy Spirit. Speak scrpiture and truth and remember we arent alone.
I love this song by Tenth Avenue North By Your Side
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enoughT
o where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side Wherever you fall
In the dead of night Whenever you call And please don't fight These hands that are holding you My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sinSo I could carry you in
And give you lifeI want to give you life
(Chorus 2x)
Cause I, I love youI want you to knowThat I, I love youI'll never let you go
(Chorus 2x)